Not a ray of hope

Not a ray of hope in my life.
Many times I think about the end of it
and start to cry.
I wonder how
how things wolud be
if I wasn´t here any more
not in this world
not so near to shore.

Difficult to explain
not wanting to exist anymore
Difficult to put into words
what you don´t know

It is out of question
What I am here for
I´m extremely sad
That´s all I know

I don´t want to fall
As once happened to this doll.
What I´ve been last year
I won´t go for

I can´t explain to myself
The strange way tears came out
I wasn´t just crying
It was as if I was dying
As if bitterness had never been so bitter

I still don´t understand
Why so much bitterness
came out from my eyes.